For those of you that know me well, you know that I have been a single mother and sole-provider to my children for many years. I loved my profession in the sense that I felt I was truly able to help people in the healing and recovery process. I worked in every environment possible as to keep up all the skills that I have spent years learning and perfecting. This was the avenue that was going to hold the three of us together as a family.  (My ex-husband simply did not make the cut.  That was something that I learned to accept. Life would go on ).Over time, I felt proud that I was able to provide a lucrative life-style for us.  After all, don’t we all want more than our parents had? And to give our children a better life than we had? I was determined to WIN, at all costs.

Over the years, I became cold, and hardened by each personal set back and each failed relationship. It was through this that I progressed to working 50-60 hours per week. I was a Type-A personality and was very determined to succeed as a professional and as a mother. I Could do this and I WOULD do this. I would succeed regardless of what life threw at me.  With all great ideas, there are consequences, I soon felt that I was absent too often from my children. Telling myself that  a down side to this success, meant that sometimes, my children would just have to step up and take care of things at home.   It became a daily struggle for me.  The $$ or the sanity of the home. The new car, the college tuition, or the presence at home for parental guidance.

Let me just say,  I provided and we all survived. But is that what it is all about? Would things have gone differently if I had worked less and sacrificed more?  Would they have more OR less respect for me? I probably will never know. I would like to say “I did the best I could”, as all parents say. But IS that true or is that an excuse?  I could have made different decisions, different choices, better decisions, better choices. But I didn’t and that is the part that I will have to live with and hope and pray that my children forgive me and know that parenting doesn’t come with a handbook. ( Although…. That would have been amazing!! ) To be noted….. despite my actions, my children have turned into the most beautiful human beings that I have ever met and they continue to inspire me regularly.

In attempt to move forward, I have come to the realization that life is so very short. I have now been given the opportunity to reflect back on these things because of my life-style change. I no longer am ruled by corporate America and “the bottom dollar”. I am now a digital nomad- at least trying to be, thanks to Quinn.  Instead of treating patients 10-12 hours per day, I am now learning to write. ( I use this term lightly and am glad you all are being so patient with me and my daily struggles). I now , for the first time in my adult life, am learning to meditate and process all the heartache and tramas from my past. I am also currently searching for a new career path . One that gives my life meaning and makes my soul happy. One that only requires me to work part-time- as life is precious and I want to enjoy it!!

Although not an easy task, I am trying to conquer this new life. I am doing my best, and  I am eternally  thankful !! I would have never imagined that I would be able to quit my job and  travel the World. Nor would I have imagined that I would be given the time to think and meditate on such things. I realize now that they had become a part of who I was and that it is better to digest them NOW . Rid myself of this broken-ness.  This is the time to  process and eliminate these things ,rather than to let them eat me  alive with  regret. The future is looking brighter my friends. I thank you for your understanding and patience.

As for me , I am onto brighter pastures, new adventures, and great days to come.